Perhaps you have given your best to a relationship and it never seems good enough to your spouse? I see this at least once a week in my practice. He/she will come in and talk about how they feel drained from non stop giving, rather than getting anything in return. To make things worse, their social circle is just about non-existent now because they are trying to make their partner happy. I tell them that they are in the right connection, just with the wrong person.
How can this happen? We have someone who is about to settle down and commit to a higher degree in a relationship. Then they pick a person that has no desire to reciprocate. Okay, but how does that occur? It usually happens when a well minded individual will over compensate just to maintain a relationship. The sad fact is that girls do so over men. And if they don’t get the attention and or love they’re expecting, shortly afterwards all men become dogs. Broken, angry and jaded they sit in my office.
This is a critical point in the development, or the beginning of the decrease in their mindset for the rest of their relationships to come. Either they get bitter towards the opposite sex assuming they’re in a heterosexual relationship, or opt to make better choices in the future. Same principle. Stop giving away your love as it hasn’t been earned.
I feel that many of us are willing to do just about anything in order not to be alone. But the actual crisis begins when you are in a less than wholesome relationship and feeling alone anyways. That said, raise the bar on which you find acceptable behavior in a relationship. Okay, so how can you do that? The good thing is that this process does not take long.
You start by passing on occasions or hanging out with people just for the sake of having something to do. If you aren’t a big drinker, yet you’re spending your weekends in a bar, guess what? If on the other hand you were to do something more in your wheelhouse despite being lonely, you’ll start to see the difference on your mindset. Sure, at first you’ll miss the company of another person to share it with. And if you keep with it, you’ll soon realize that you won’t tolerate being with people and in surroundings that leave you feeling off.
The attractive thing about this exercise is that you get better at reading yourself. By doing this, you immediately discern who takes away or adds value to your life. I’m not talking so much about the everyday people in your life. I am talking about the person you spend everyday with in a committed relationship. There are going to be people that we all will have to endure who are energy zappers. But, the person you associate with should under no circumstance be one of them. And yes, there’ll be times when your partner makes at you as well. But when you’ve fully invested in this exercise, Wildlife removal near me, your spouse zapping you will be a rare event.
So, if you should find yourself in a relationship where you’re the only one committing. Maybe it’s time to try this exercise. Because in the end of the day, nobody wants to be in the right relationship with the wrong person.